Introduction: Found Family in Queer Spaces

image from “home//made” by epli photography.

Written by Piper Smith

As humans, we are bound together by the bonds we forge with our communities, and desire kinship between each other in order to understand and go about our lives. This idea is extended deeper into family structures; in a heteronormative view, this family structure is created by blood ties. Every family is a nuclear one that consists of heterosexual parents and their children. The children are bound to their parents by blood, and their parents are married. The family ideally has a breadwinner, usually the father, and occasionally, the stay-at-home mother, and historically, have been the dominant structure of middle-class families. To many social conservatives in dominant colonial powers, particularly the United States, this is the “traditional” structure; it is the primary goal of society and stability in life, and what one should pursue as an ultimate goal.

The reality is that this simply isn’t true for everyone; not only do family structures that involve children vary vastly between different cultures, there are also some cases where children are not involved at all. This is further complicated by the fact that, to put it bluntly, not everyone is white nor heterosexual; “traditional” family structures don’t work when you can’t align yourself to the system. Despite this, the nuclear family remains a dominant power structure within many colonial spheres, and understanding the family structures formed by queer people, especially queer people of color, is a still-emerging topic. This paper inspects the family relationships that queer people establish among each other in the form of found or chosen family, and seeks to understand how these dynamics interact with and navigate the existing nuclear family and heteropatriarchal power structures.

It is important to recognize that these ideas are nothing new among not only queer people, but people of color. The heteropatriarchal structure of the nuclear family, especially as viewed by social conservatives, is argued to have been designed to erase Black matriarchal traditions; “[the nuclear family] is the erasure of our history; the replication of white supremacy with Black silhouettes,” argues Andray Domise (2020), a Toronto-based writer for Maclean’s. In this statement, Domise is highlighting structure of colonialism that exists within the heteropatriarchal nuclear family, and recognizing that this othering is not only an issue amongst queer individuals, but also people of color. He further continues, “The nuclear family is competition with one’s neighbors and family, rather than communal living, space-sharing and strength in the face of oppression… [it] discourages African-rooted practices such as community fostering, fictive kinship, social fathering and other means by which Black people have counteracted[…] white supremacy.” (Domise 2020)

These ideas align closely with bell hooks’ ideas of community-building and understanding one’s identity; within her chapter Choosing the Margin in Yearning, she writes, “One needs a community of resistance.” (hooks, 1990, pg. 149). Connecting this with Domise’s earlier statement on the nuclear family undermining Black community practices, it can be understood that this “community” that hooks refers to is not simply limited to those within larger communities, but rather, forming a new understanding of one’s familial and social structures. Furthermore, hooks notes that “to be in the margin is to be part of the whole but outside the main body,” (hooks, 1990, pg. 149), a sentiment echoed within many queer spaces, especially those dominated by people of color, predominantly Black and Indigenous spaces. 

The most important aspect of understanding found family is recognizing its goal to redefine what family structure means; in the words of James Baldiwn, “our real responsibility is to endlessly redefine each other,” and in this case, what our understanding of family means. In response to Baldwin’s comment, Audre Lorde elaborates further, “We have to define ourselves for each other because no matter what the underpinnings of the distortion are, the fact remains that we have absorbed it.” The heteropatriarchal system is an absorbed social system, and one we are constantly redefining for ourselves and for each other. In understanding found family, one can discover how it not only navigates heteropatriarchy, but defies, redefines, and understands kinship in an entirely different and unique way. Below are some examples of different understandings of found family structures.

Understanding Found Family Through Art: A Look at Queerly Collective’s Found Family Exhibition

What do you do when you can’t go home for the holidays?

Intersections of Identity: Salsa Soul Sisters

Chosen Families: More Than Blood and Community Building

Settler colonialism and the nuclear family

Houses and Ballroom Culture: More than just ‘Glitz and Glam’ for LGBTQ+ and BIPOC communities

“We Just Take Care of Each Other”: Navigating ‘Chosen Family’ in the Context of Health, Illness, and the Mutual Provision of Care amongst Queer and Transgender Young Adults

Disclaimer: All images and content related to this project fall under fair use. These are being used for educational purposes only and are not monetized in any way. The original artists and photographers for each image have been properly sourced and cited. Please support the original creators, projects, and pieces.

Bibliography:

Andray Domise

2020

How the Nuclear Family Structure Was Forced upon Present-Day Black Families. Macleans.ca. https://macleans.ca/opinion/how-the-nuclear-family-structure-was-forced-upon-present-day-black-families/, accessed April 13, 2023.

hooks, bell

1990

Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics. New York: Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.

Lorde, Audre, and James Baldwin

1984

Revolutionary Hope: A Conversation between James Baldwin and Audre Lorde. MoCADA. https://mocada-museum.tumblr.com/post/73421979421/revolutionary-hope-a-conversation-between-james.